PAP ALERT!! Will They Or Won't They?

Hallo Sweeties!

Well, news sizzling hot off the wire here at Studio Douche is the 'speculation' that our favourite young Prince William might be readying himself to tie the knot, and get cracking with the unenviable task of producing more precocious Royal brats, with none other than the Ms Kate 'Jobless' Middleton.

I wouldn't be betting my money on it, if the Paparazzi have their way! If it were me, I'd definitely avoid walking out of the revolving doors of posh restaurants, or being driven in tunnels, or wearing too much 'Royal Blue'.

So don't go buying that merchandise yet, because we at Studio Douche have come up with another design alternative, should Kate find herself trapped in a deathly 'pap-attack'.


Our attractive plate design, created by the top intern in our studio, can be pre-ordered simply by emailing us at:
william&danawedding@studiodouche.com.

Hurry while stocks last!

Yours,

DD

Does Size Matter?

Guten Täg!
Well, from the LONGEST beer mile in the world, now we go to the SMALLEST art gallery in the world! It didn't sound much in the press release, and actually, it wasn't - only 1.5 metres squared. To our surprise (and disdain), we found it was located in a porta-loo - a portable Dixie toilet! They call it the 'Smallery' (small gallery), but I'm more inclined to think it's a 'Smellery'. Really, arts funding must be really s(t)inking to an all time low, if they have to exhibit in places like these.
Yours,
DD

PS- We had a little altercation with Gambrinus from the Bier Mile, resulting in him 'glassing' me with his broken Belgian beer bottle - hence the band-aid on the nose! Studio Douche lawyers are on the case.

Taking a leaf out of Duchamp's book, art was displayed in this public toilet. It was quite handy, as I could relieve myself AND view the art, at the same time, meaning I spent more than the average 7 seconds looking at each artwork

It's not easy finding the Smallest Gallery in the World, but we made it in the end. I asked Curator Axel Pfenningschmidt why he wanted to display art in a toilet, and whether he thought size "really matters"

The World's LONGEST Beer Mile!

Hällöö Süssen!

Last weekend, I just couldn't turn down the Ambassador of Belgium's offer to come and join him at the opening day of the world's LONGEST Beer Mile, even though there was not a g&t or champas in sight! His Excellency invited us to the VIP tent, where we mingled with distinguished guests such as the 'Queen of Beer' and the legendary Gambrinus (aka 'John The Fearless'), the Patron Saint of Beer and Brewing. Luckily my driver was on call, as I managed to sample at least 1,200 beers from all around the world, while at the same time, raising awareness for alcoholism and the myriad of problems associated with it.

Enjoy the pics and till next,
DD

Gambrinus sings a merry song, while I enjoy the fruits of the harvest, in an idyllic European setting

I discuss with Her Majesty The Queen of Beer which alcoholic figure in the pictures, she most identifies with. Remember, as David Hasselfhoff once said - the first step to self-help, is self-realization!

His Excellency The Ambassador of Belgium and I, ponder this rare fine Belgian brew

It wasn't long though, before I was stopped by these drinking police, who had the nerve to ask me for I.D. and then insisted on humiliating me in front of all the people on the beer mile (which is actually 2.2 kilometres), by forcing me to take a breathalyser test

I now have an acquired a taste for rustic mountain cherry beer

SCANDAL(ASS) - Paparazzi snap Dana's Touche!

No matter how professional you are, mishaps can and DO occur. From Janet Jackson's famous wardrobe malfunction at the MTV awards (that pesky nipple popping out from her bustier) to Britney Spears' 'snatch-flash' shot (an expertly angled photograph of Britney's nether regions as she made her not-so-graceful exit from her limousine) - no celebrity is safe from the lenses of malicious photographers looking to make their million for that one *scandalous* shot.

And last week I, Dana Douche, was targeted by such a Paparazzo, who succeeded in taking a shot of my rear end while bending over, as I innocently went about my reportage work. The cheek! Or in this case, two larger ones. The results are too shocking to publish on this page, so you'll have to click on this link: http://www.mein-ostdeutschland.de/photos/detail/2544/50974

The photographer in question is none other than celebrity photographer known on the red carpets as 'OPARAZZI', pictured below. 'Opa' in German means Grandpa, so you can understand the name. He's a rather cute old man, and he'd make a good Santa Claus, too.


Needless to say, my stylist was given a stern talking to for the split on the skirt, and contrary to what Oparazzi mentioned on his website (that perhaps I'd eaten a little too many burgers at the 'Hooters' opening), I am still following a strict diet regime.

Till next,

Dana

Sneak Pics - Elvis et al...

Hi there lovelies,

While I'm on my summer break in St Tropez, I just thought I'd keep you all tantalised with some sneaky preview pictures from my wonderful encounter with Dusty Springfield, Elvis, and the bountiful Bette Midler, at the earth-moving Stars concert. The interview was a highly revealing look into the lives and complex talents of these iconic performers. Special thanks must go to Boy George for his cooperation on this story!

(By the way, I'll be meeting Antonio Banderas in the coming weeks so stay tuned - he's a nice cut of Jamon, that Antonio!)

Au revoir till next time!
x DD

It's only hard-hitting journalism here, as I probe Elvis and Bette Midler on an alleged affair.
I sweetened Elvis up with a packet of German sausage (classic journalistic technique, not to be confused with bribery), and he came forth with the saucy details..
I've always fancied myself as a bit of a 'chanteuse', so here's me showing them my rendition of 'Wings beneath my Wind' - the classic tear-jerking song from 'Beached'. Dusty, Elvis and Bette - die Süße!

Teaser video - Nordic Shopping!

Hallo Lovelies,

Here's a Part One of the Nordic Shopping race .. just the warm-up, mind you!

Stay tuned for more snippets of the action.

Yours,

Dana Douche