Turn Around - Dana Douche meets Bonnie Tyler!

Hallo Süsßen!

Remember that song from the 80's - the one that went on about "turning around" and "bright eyes" and "every now and then it falls apart"? It was of course called 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' by Bonnie Tyler, and still remains a classic today.

My producer worked her magic to line me up with an interview with the Welsh star, who was as charming as she was botoxed! And we even sang the classic song together, resulting in dear Bonnie commenting on my wonderful voice. Perhaps I should take up that pop star career after all?

We also met the leader of the Bonnie Tyler German Fanclub, who we later exposed as a crazed stalker from East Germany, and with further research, realised she was in the original video of 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' as one of the Ninja Dancers. Not kidding!

Yours,
DD
Turn around, Bright Eyes!
Bonnie recommends I get a round of Botox for my problem 'frown' area
I don't know how she did it, but this stalker managed to get backstage, and then went on to tell me about the wonders of botox! The nerve!

Horst Schlämmer for President!

Hü hu Darlings!

A fellow intern of mine many years ago at a local German newspaper is now in the spotlight - he's running for the Chancellorship in Germany in 2009! He wasn't the brightest spark back then, but it's funny how often the least-liked person at school becomes the most successful later in life.

I daresay if he makes it, I might even get a spot in the cabinet - I'm aiming for 'Minister of Perks', lobbying for the rights of politicians - free hors d'oeuvres, duck houses, hard liquor and unlimited chauffeur usage - to name a few. I really don't think politicians get enough free stuff, for the sacrifices they make!


Have a further look at Herr Schlämmer here (in Deutsch only!). We were at his movie Premiere after-party on Monday evening, and got to talk to some of the stars there. Typically for such a big name, Hörst was nowhere in sight - no doubt he was on his way home in the regional train in time for Mutti's curfew.

With policies like free cosmetic surgery for all, and unlimited sunbed tanning, he's definitely coming through with effective policies that will get a lot of people's votes in these celebrity-obsessed times. Three cheers for Schlämmer!

Does Size Matter?

Guten Täg!
Well, from the LONGEST beer mile in the world, now we go to the SMALLEST art gallery in the world! It didn't sound much in the press release, and actually, it wasn't - only 1.5 metres squared. To our surprise (and disdain), we found it was located in a porta-loo - a portable Dixie toilet! They call it the 'Smallery' (small gallery), but I'm more inclined to think it's a 'Smellery'. Really, arts funding must be really s(t)inking to an all time low, if they have to exhibit in places like these.
Yours,
DD

PS- We had a little altercation with Gambrinus from the Bier Mile, resulting in him 'glassing' me with his broken Belgian beer bottle - hence the band-aid on the nose! Studio Douche lawyers are on the case.

Taking a leaf out of Duchamp's book, art was displayed in this public toilet. It was quite handy, as I could relieve myself AND view the art, at the same time, meaning I spent more than the average 7 seconds looking at each artwork

It's not easy finding the Smallest Gallery in the World, but we made it in the end. I asked Curator Axel Pfenningschmidt why he wanted to display art in a toilet, and whether he thought size "really matters"

The World's LONGEST Beer Mile!

Hällöö Süssen!

Last weekend, I just couldn't turn down the Ambassador of Belgium's offer to come and join him at the opening day of the world's LONGEST Beer Mile, even though there was not a g&t or champas in sight! His Excellency invited us to the VIP tent, where we mingled with distinguished guests such as the 'Queen of Beer' and the legendary Gambrinus (aka 'John The Fearless'), the Patron Saint of Beer and Brewing. Luckily my driver was on call, as I managed to sample at least 1,200 beers from all around the world, while at the same time, raising awareness for alcoholism and the myriad of problems associated with it.

Enjoy the pics and till next,
DD

Gambrinus sings a merry song, while I enjoy the fruits of the harvest, in an idyllic European setting

I discuss with Her Majesty The Queen of Beer which alcoholic figure in the pictures, she most identifies with. Remember, as David Hasselfhoff once said - the first step to self-help, is self-realization!

His Excellency The Ambassador of Belgium and I, ponder this rare fine Belgian brew

It wasn't long though, before I was stopped by these drinking police, who had the nerve to ask me for I.D. and then insisted on humiliating me in front of all the people on the beer mile (which is actually 2.2 kilometres), by forcing me to take a breathalyser test

I now have an acquired a taste for rustic mountain cherry beer